Moving On
by mcarrier
Summary: Buffy and Angel have gone their seperate ways. However, when they are reunited will they still be able to move on? Chapter 5 up! Angsty stuff and yet a surprising happy ending (sort of). PLEASE Read and Review! Thanx!
1. Chapter 1

"You guys do the same, and you might catch her one day." Angel played back Andrew's words over and over in his head. Andrew was right it was time for Angel to move on. As he sat there continuing to convince himself to start anew he began to dig himself an even larger whole.

_If Buffy's moved on then why can't I move on? But then again we are talking about the very same girl who "moved" right on to Spike. Decisions like that that make me worry about her. STOP. Move one. But what is there to move on to? The only other women I ever loved are either dead and or a creature of some sort. Most women probably wouldn't even want to be near me let alone be attracted to me. Cordelia was my last hope for ever having anything close to what I had with Buffy... and she's gone. How the hell am I supposed to move on? _

Angel continued to brood over the topic the rest of day. It wasn't until later that night when Angel finally snapped out of it.

_Maybe I can't move on to another woman but I can move on with my life. I have to move on with my life. If not for me then at least for those around me that are still here and that I love. _

The moment Angel made this resolution Connor stepped through the door.

"Hey Angel," Connor began as he turned the corner. When he saw his father sitting there he knew he was in another one of his "brooding" moods and it probably had something to do with the slayer. Angel looked up at him as if in a daze. Connor continued slowly.

"Um...Spike says there's some serious demon ass kicking going down across town and he wanted some...help. But if you're..."

Angel quickly snapped out of it when he realized what Connor was saying.

"Yeah, sorry, of course," Angel grabbed his jacket off the chair and headed for the door. "Let's go."

"Hey, are you going to be okay?" asked Connor as they hopped into Angels black convertible.

"I think so." Angel replied. "It's time for me to move on. So why don't we go kick some demon ass."

"Sounds good to me," Connor smiled.

Meanwhile, Buffy was halfway around the world wondering if she could do the same thing.

_Ah, moving on. That's what I came to Rome for right; to move on? Then why do I still have that funny sinky feeling in my stomach that's not right. I mean, Rome is wonderful. It's a place full of romance and history and beauty. I even met somebody. Of course, he is the Immortal and once again I end up dating someone undead but that's not the point right? What is the point? I came here to get away from all that...that being my undead lovers of the past. I can't believe Spike is...alive or whatever it is you want to call it. Oh, I wish Andrew never told me. I really didn't need that right now. What was up Angel and Spike together? Angel hates Spike and Spike hates Angel. And I hate...neither of them. Oh, now what am I going to do? I know, just ignore it. Pretend like they were never here and Andrew never told you. Although, it is kind of cute that Angel cried when he found out about me and...STOP. Move on._

"Hey Buffy," Andrew called from the next room. "You've got a phone call. Long distance, I think it's Xander."

_Why would Xander be calling? Xander would only call if there was something wrong and what could be wrong? There is no more Sunnydale let alone a Sunnydale demon thingy? Of course, you never now what's lurking around the rest of the world, Rome is the perfect example of that._

"Hey Xander, what's up?" Buffy asked with a slight hint of concern in her voice.

"Buffy, I'm sorry to bother you. I know you're moving on with your life

and all, doing as the Romans do. Hey, do they wear togas in Rome anymore? Cause I was thinking of visiting you on my honeymoon."

Buffy laughed at Xander's obvious nervous tone and ramblings on. That's when she realized what Xander had actually said.

"Honeymoon? Xander are you getting married?" asked Buffy appalled that Xander had never told her about any of this before. However, it was not often that they could get the chance.

"Yes, well at least I think I am... this time." Xander choked on his last words and Buffy remembered what happened the last time he attempted a trip to the altar. "I'm sorry I haven't told you before Buff, I guess I just didn't want to curse it, ya know? I figured it's about time for me to move on."

Buffy smiled. "I understand. So when's the big day?"

"Oh, yes of course. I didn't know your address there so I just thought I'd invite you over the phone. It's next month, the 25th, and the ceremony will be here in LA I would love it if you came. Everybody will be there..." Xander stopped as he realized that not everybody they once knew and loved could attend anymore. "...well you know and, um, Dawn and Andrew are invited of course. I understand though if you cant' make it. You do live out there and..."

"No Xander, I would never dream of missing your big day. Besides I wanna meet this lucky girl of yours."

"Great," Xander replied relieved that the hard part seemed to be all over and done with. "Do you need a place to stay?"

"Actually, I think I might just get a hotel room somewhere in LA. It's your wedding and for some reason I feel like being pampered. You know I'll do the whole honeymoon suite thing and room service, since you're the one, once again, getting married before me. I think I deserve it."

"Okay," Xander chuckled "Call me when you get to LA and we can get together before the wedding. We have a lot of that reunion stuff to do. And, oh, hey, Buffy... Willow and Giles are coming from London so I'm sure they'd love to do some catching up with you too. See ya soon."

"Bye," Buffy smiled as she hung up the phone. Xander was genuinely happy. He was moving on and Buffy couldn't help but share his enthusiasm. She decided that she couldn't wait much longer; she would leave for LA next week.

_Here's to moving on._


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Angel and Connor sat in the coffee shop, not a very manly hang out, but a place that was dark and crowded enough for the two of them to talk.

The topic of conversation was the demon battle the two of them had last week with Spike.

"I don't know. We didn't get them all," said Connor worried if the demons were going to come back. "They said that it wasn't over."

"I know," Angel replied "And there is no telling if they will come back but for now we are just going to have to assume that they are going to stay away; from us and anyone that might lead them in our direction."

"If you say so," Connor sighed "You have been at this a lot longer than I have."

"Yeah," Angel chuckled as he and Connor fell into another one of their awkward silences. "How about we get out of here and go for a ride?"

"That would be cool," said Connor relieved that his father didn't feel like having one of those vampire father to son talks. The night sky was as clear as it ever could be in LA as Connor and Angel drove around town.

"Anywhere special you want to go to tonight," asked Angel looking over at Connor. His mind seemed to be somewhere other than in the car and Angel wondered what he possibly could be thinking about.

"Oh," replied Connor still not totally in this world "No, not really."

"You're not still thinking about those demons are you?" asked Angel.

"No, no."

"Well, what is it then." Angel was worried about Connor he had never seen him act this way before. "It's as if you're in another dimension. Tell me what's on your mind."

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to worry you," sighed Connor.

"I...I'm not worr..."

"It's just that," Connor interrupted Angel "I saw this... no never mind."

"What? What is it? What did you see? Now you really have me worried," Angel replied. "Connor, man, what's going on?"

"I met this girl today." Connor smiled at the thought of her.

Angel laughed. "Oh, I thought it was something... well...you know."

Connor laughed as well realizing he accidentally scared Angel into thinking something was wrong. They reached the Angel's apartment and went inside.

"So," coaxed Angel "Tell me about this girl. Where did you meet her?"

"I met her today. Just on the street. It was the strangest thing. I heard a scream and ran towards it thinking someone was being attacked and that they were in trouble. But when I finally reached her there was no trouble to be found. She said she was okay and that it was very nice of me to come to her rescue. However, she had taken care of it herself and she was sorry that she scared me."

"Huh," replied Angel. "Well at least no one was hurt. Was that all?"

"Yeah, that was basically it. She gave me a big smile and told me she had to go meet her sister. Man she was pretty though. She wasn't glamorous or super model perfect like most girls in LA. She was fresh and beautiful. Her hair was like gold under the sunlight and she..."

Angel interrupted "Wow, slow down Connor. You only met this girl today and you sound like you're already in love with her." Angel soon realized that he was once like Connor and felt the exact same way about a certain Slayer. "Like father like son," he mumbled to himself.

"The worst part is though that I probably will never see her again. I mean LA is a huge city and I don't know if she even lives here."

"Well," Angel said "Do you really want to see this girl again?"

Connor nodded and sighed.

"Where exactly did you see her? Do you remember the street name or anything in the surrounding area?" asked Angel.

Connor thought about the street where he had seen her for awhile. "Actually as a matter of fact I do. It was right by the Millennium Biltmore Hotel."

"Start there. See if she's staying there, if she's a guest or she knows someone there, anything."

"Right," thought Connor "I think I'll try that. In the meantime I'm going to go home. I'm sure you're tired."

"Yeah," Angel nodded. As he stood up to let Connor out the door Angel gave Connor a sly smirk "Good luck."

"Thanks," Connor smiled.

"Wow Buffy this is the best hotel I've ever seen," gasped Dawn as she stepped into the main lobby.

"Yeah, it's pretty spiffy," agreed Buffy. "What took you so long?"

"I'm sorry," Dawn apologized "I was outside taking a look around and there was this awful looking demon guy that came up and..."

"Oh my god, Dawn are you okay?" Buffy interrupted.

"Well, if you let me finish my story," retorted Dawn. Buffy calmed down and backed off. "Thank you, so just when I thought he was going to attack me, he asked me out." Buffy gave Dawn a look of astonishment. She considered that maybe demons were just naturally attracted to the Summers sisters. Poor Dawn was doomed.

Dawn finished her story. "So I screamed and told him to get lost. He walked away kind of like a rejected puppy. A hideous wart faced rejected homeless..."

"Yeah, Dawn I get the picture," Buffy quickly put Dawn's rambling to a stop. It wasn't exactly something you wanted to picture in your head, especially a something that was trying to ask your sister out on a date. "That's kind of weird that a demon just came out in broad daylight and well you know."

"Well I guess LA is just a different..." Dawn strained to think of something clever and witty to say but ended up with "place."

"I guess so," replied Buffy leaving Dawn to carry up the last of the suitcases.

"But wait Buffy that's not all," started Dawn quickly as she struggled to carry the bags into the elevator. Effortlessly Buffy picked up the two heaviest ones and carried them in. "There was this cute guy who came to rescue me."

"Really?" Buffy lifted an eyebrow. "What type of cute?"

"Well he wasn't Jude Law cute but he was most definitely cute enough. It was strange, he had the most familiar eyes," thought Dawn. "I'll probably never see him again."

"LA is a big city, gigantic even," Dawn gave Buffy a look of sarcastic gratitude. "But you n-never know," finished Buffy quickly.

The hotel room was big and luxurious with two fluffy white queen sized beds, a decent sized living room, and a bathroom with a shower and bathtub so big that any girl could drown all of her sorrows.

"Wow, Buffy" said Dawn excitedly. "I could get used to this."

"And don't forget room service," hollered Buffy as Dawn headed for the balcony "Lots and lots of room service."

The telephone rang and Buffy knew it was Xander.

"Hey Buff, nice choice in luxurious expensive splendor," said Xander over the phone.

"Why, thank you," replied Buffy.

"Anyway, since your shacked up in such nice digs, Will, Giles, and I decided that we would meet you there and have dinner in that nice little restaurant on the corner."

"Sounds great," Buffy was starving but she didn't want to ruin the meal for everyone else.

"Great, so we'll meet you in the hotel lobby at around 6:30. Make it an early dinner. Will and Giles are starving."

"Perfect," said Buffy. I'll see you then." Buffy hung up the phone and went to find Dawn.

"Dawn, that was Xander," called Buffy. "I'm going to meet them tonight in the hotel lobby at... O sorry," cried Buffy as she ran into Dawn. "As I was saying hotel lobby 6:30."

"Okay," said Dawn recovering "I guess I am supposed to stay here?"

"Yes, please. Tonight it's just going to be the four of us, but you know you can order room service, go down to the hotel lobby, anything you want," answered Buffy.

"Fine with me," said Dawn. "Now go and get ready. You have two hours."

Buffy hurried off to the bathroom to take a shower. In the meantime all Dawn could think about was the boy she had met the other day.

At dinner that night Buffy shared all her wild adventures in Rome with the gang. She told them about the Immortal and living with Andrew and how she has moved on from all that is hellmouthy; well almost. Willow and Giles talked about England and how well Willow was doing with controlling and perfecting her magic. Xander, of course, talked about his fiancé. She sounded wonderful and perfect for Xander. After desert Buffy asked Xander who was coming to the wedding.

"Just close friends and family," replied Xander "You guys are basically it for my side of the ceremony. We wanted it to be very intimate and after my last...wedding I really didn't want to invite my fam-damn-ily."

"Totally understandable," snorted Buffy.

"Well," broke in Giles "I am awfully tired and I think I could stand to retire for the night."

"Good idea," yawned Buffy "I think we could all use some rest. Goodnight. I missed you guys so much."

"You know moving on doesn't necessarily mean moving away from the ones you love," said Willow. "Thank you Xander, you brought us back together again."

"Any day," laughed Xander "I'd be happy to get married all the time so we can get together again."

On that note they said goodnight.

Buffy entered the hotel lobby exhausted but still aware of her surroundings. Dawn wasn't in the lobby so Buffy decided that she must have stayed in the room. Walking towards the elevator Buffy felt it. He was there. She could feel him all around her. What was he doing here? She looked around frantically trying to find him but he was nowhere in sight.

_He better not be hiding from me. _

Heading towards the elevator, she swept her eyes over the lobby once more and decided to call it a night

_Fine. If he doesn't want to be seen I don't want to see him._

Angel entered the hotel from the roof. Although he could probably walk through the lobby he found it somewhat more covert entering from atop. He was definitely less likely to be seen. As he stepped on to the hotel elevator he took a sharp breath in. She was there and he could feel it. He pressed the main lobby key on the elevator wondering where in the hotel she could be.

Impatiently Buffy waited.

Angel waited silently as the elevator slowly descended to the lobby.

Finally.

Ding.


	3. Chapter 3

The two elevators opened simultaneously. Angel knew Buffy was there, he could feel her, but he couldn't find her. There was a sea of people rushing into the elevator on the right as he stepped off the elevator on the left. The elevator doors closed and the feeling was gone.

Buffy could feel him as she struggled through the mass of people to get onto the elevator. _Maybe _she thought _just maybe he is on this elevator. _The doors closed lightly with a ding and Buffy knew Angel was nowhere to be found.

Angel left the hotel that night dismayed and upset. He originally came to check out the place and see if he could find this girl that Connor was so desperately in love with. What he found instead was desperation of his own. Buffy was in LA.

_What is she doing here? I thought she was happy with her life in Rome. She had Dawn and Andrew and...him. Why has she come back so soon? No. I have to get her out of my head. Should I try and follow her? No. That wouldn't be moving on. That would be lurking. I wonder if she's here to see me. Probably not. She's not done baking yet, remember. Spike? _Angel quickly pushed the thought out of his head. _Oh, but the feeling of her. The thought of her being somewhere close, being here, it's driving me insane. I need to get out of here._

When Angel left the Biltmore he decided to go through the front entrance. He wasn't sure if he wanted to risk going back up the elevator and perhaps seeing Buffy again. As he walked out into the warm night air Angel tried desperately to remove any thought of her. However, the soft night breeze wasn't helping. The air's warmth reminded him of Buffy's own soft and warm touch. He knew it would be impossible to forget her now.

Buffy climbed into bed after a lukewarm greeting and goodnight to Dawn. Her mind was preoccupied on more important things.

_What was he doing here I expected that coming to LA might lead to a run in with Angel but...in my hotel? He probably has someone following me again. I hate it when he does this. He is always so possessive. Well, no, I guess it's more protective. He just cares about me right? I still don't like it when he lurks though. Was he lurking tonight? If he was why didn't he follow me right up to my room? Maybe it was just a coincidence. LA is such a big city though and what would Angel be doing at my hotel? Oh, I could run around in circles all night like this. I just need to stop thinking about him. Forget...ugh...never._

Both Buffy and Angel had a restless nights sleep. Angel woke up the next morning determined to go back to the hotel and Buffy determined to find Angel.

_Perhaps seeing her will help me move on._

_Maybe if I see him I'll be able to move on._

Buffy quickly got out of bed and headed for the shower. Unfortunately, she was too late. Dawn had already occupied the bathroom and when she did it took her forever to get out.

"Dawn," Buffy yelled as she banged on the door "hurry up I need to use the shower."

"What are you in such a hurry for?" asked Dawn yelling over the sound of the blow-dryer.

"I...I need to go somewhere," was the only reply Buffy could think come up with. "Come on Dawn just hurry up. Besides what do you have to get all fancy for?"

"Well," Dawn said finally turning off the blow-dryer and stepping out of the bathroom "LA is a big city with a lot of cute guys and there happens to be one in particular who I just might run into again."

"I see," sighed Buffy "Is that all you ever think about; boys and getting there attention?"

Of course Buffy felt a slight pang of guilt as she said this but Dawn was different. Dawn was young and her little sister and Buffy was allowed to go all parental on her. _After all she is my responsibility._

"Buffy...where are you off to in such a hurry?" asked Dawn suspiciously knowing full well Buffy was up to something.

"Nothing," Buffy replied shortly and at that closed the bathroom door.

"So Connor," began Angel hoping his son wasn't thinking he was being too much of a clingy loser "how about you and I go and find that girl today?" Angel desperately wanted to see Buffy but he wasn't sure how she would take it if he just showed up at her hotel. Not after last night at least.

"Well, you see I kind of thought this would be a one man thing," said Connor not wanting to disappoint his dead. "Besides it's a sunny day outside and I don't want you to burst into flames or anything."

"Yeah, well, I understand," Angel sighed with a hint of letdown in his voice. "You know I just was curious about this girl and...hey, if you want to go alone I understand perfectly."

"Thanks Angel...I 'm sorry 'bout this...I think," Connor held back a chuckle, clapped Angel on the back and headed towards the hotel. Angel, however, decided he would keep an eye on Connor and would follow him there.

As Angel walked through the sewer system Buffy left Dawn to herself at the hotel.

"Have fun and don't get into any trouble," spoke Buffy quickly "a...and if you do don't be afraid to call me."

"I won't," scoffed Dawn "Now just go already. I'll be fine without you. Besides how am I supposed to go boy watching with my big sister following along."

Dawn laughed and Buffy gave Dawn a slight serious stare followed by a laugh of her own. With a "you be good" and a hug Buffy left Dawn and headed towards Angel's office.

Dawn walked around the lobby of the hotel checking out the gift shops and restaurants. As she headed for the front door she saw someone familiar walking in. It was him, the boy she met the other day.

_Calm down Dawn. Keep your cool. You don't even know if he's here to see you or if he even remembers you. Oh my, he's looking this way. Stay cool._

Connor stepped through the large doors and spotted her almost immediately across the lobby. There she was standing there smiling and looking right at him.

_She's looking at me. She remembers me. Stay cool._

Dawn gave Connor her flirtiest smile as Connor showed off his cool exterior.

"Hey," said Connor with a nervous breath. "I was hoping you would be here."

"Really?" blurted out Dawn, amazed to see that he was actually there for her.

"Yeah," he replied. There was an awkward silence as they both weighed each others feelings and tried to keep their own stomachs down. "My name is Connor by the way."

"My name is Dawn."

"That's a very pretty name Dawn. It's very nice to meet you," said Connor holding out his hand.

"Thank you," laughed Dawn. Taking Connor's hand she added that it was very nice to meet him as well.

Angel walked into the hotel lobby which was thankfully dark enough for him that he wouldn't be scorched to death. As he walked in he thought about Buffy and wondered if she was around anywhere. As he surveyed the area he spotted Connor talking to a girl. Angel tucked back making sure that Connor didn't think he was following him. So this was the girl he was so enamored with. From what he could see of her Angel thought she was pretty and nice enough. She was slightly shorter than Connor with blond hair. Connor was right there was something down to earth about this girl, not like the norm. However, Angel felt there was also something slightly familiar about her. Angel moved in to get a closer look and as he did the girl spotted him.

"Angel!" cried Dawn from across the lobby. Running up to him in excitement Dawn wanted to give him a hug but at the last moment decided it was better not too.

"Wait a minute," gasped Connor in surprise "Angel...first of all what are you even doing here and second...you two know each other?"

Angel shifted uncomfortably as he realized the situation he had just gotten himself into. "Hey Dawn."

"So you must be the reason Buffy was so uptight this morning," smiled Dawn in satisfaction as she figured out exactly what her sister was up to.

"Buffy knew that I was here," asked Angel surprised that Buffy might even care.

"Well, yeah I thought that..."

"Wait a minute," interrupted Connor "Buffy? Are you with Buffy?"

"Well, yeah," replied Dawn "She's my sister."

"Oh, I think I get it now," figured out Connor. "Wow."

"Dawn," spoke up Angel "where did Buffy go?"

"I don't know. Where would you be...if you weren't here that is," asked Dawn.

"The office," and at that Angel left Connor and Dawn to figure out what to do next.

Buffy had arrived at Angel's office 15 minutes ago and yet no one seemed to be there. Standing and waiting patiently she realized that she might have made a mistake. She was about to leave when she finally heard someone racing up the stairs. Taking a sharp breath in Buffy waited to see who it was.

When she saw his face Buffy almost fell back against the door in shock.

"Spike?"


	4. Chapter 4

I know it's really short but I promise there will be a longer chapter next time. Hopefully, there will be some fighting between Angel and Spike. : )

Buffy's eyes opened wide at the sight before her. Spike was there. He was real, not dead, and not a fiery ball of flames. Buffy choked on the words trying to rise up in her throat. All she could utter were hushed noises of disbelief and then no noise at all. Spike could see Buffy becoming paler. Her mouth had stayed open but there seemed to be no air coming out.

"Buffy breath!" cried Spike hoping Buffy wasn't in such immense shock that she would hurt herself.

Buffy took a big gasp of air in and then leaned against Spike for support.

"I...I...you...you're alive," Buffy almost couldn't support herself. Way too much was reeling through her head and her slayer abilities were escaping her. She needed a place to sit down and straighten everything out. Spike led her inside Angel's office where he immediately led her to a seat. Buffy sat there while Spike went to get her a glass of water.

When Spike returned he tried his best to be as cautious and careful with her as possible.

"I'm sorry love," he said gently "I didn't mean to frighten you." At those words he reached out to stroke a hair behind Buffy's ear. She immediately looked up at him, tears swelling in her eyes.

"I left you...you were...you," Buffy kept choking on each word she tried to say. She felt as if she had been stabbed in the chest one to many times.

"Shh, shh, I know love. You left me for dead but I'm not. Blimey, I'm sitting right here in front of you," he placed his hand on top of hers trying to calm her down. She really didn't want to think about that day. It was something she had moved on from, or at least she thought.

"How did you know I was here?" asked Buffy silently. She had managed to form her first sentence since she saw Spike and was working on her next.

"I didn't," Spike replied "I stopped by to have a chat with Angel."

Buffy wore an expression of confusion on her face. "I thought you hated Angel?"

"Well, I do," Spike replied and then thought twice. "Or I did. He and I still have our bloody disagreements sometimes...quite literally, but he and I get along alright lately."

Buffy then realized that they had both gone to see her in Rome. She didn't know why she hadn't made the connection before but now it all seemed to make sense.

"What are you doing here Buff?" asked Spike, mostly wanting to get off the topic of himself.

Buffy was surprised at his question as she was still trying to figure everything out in her head.

"Oh," Buffy snapped up. "Xander is getting married this month."

"Really," asked Spike genuinely surprised at Buffy's announcement. "Is he actually going to get married this time?"

"I don't know," Buffy sighed. "Let's hope."

There was an awkward silence between the two before Spike spoke up again.

"Well that's all right and good love, but what are you doing here?"

"Here?" Buffy asked. She could understand that Spike and Angel probably get along now but she knew that the tension between them probably existed over her. She didn't want to disappoint Spike and tell him she was there for Angel, but then again she was just there to move on; right?

"I came by to see if Angel was here. I wanted to tell him that I'm doing fine and not to worry about me. You know how he gets sometimes." Buffy figured that was the safest answer and not that far from the truth.

"Yeah," mumbled Spike "that I do."

There was another awkward silence between the two. Neither of them new what to say and neither of them wanted to be the next to speak. Buffy sat there contemplating the question she wanted to ask from the beginning but was afraid that it was a touchy subject.

She decided to ask anyway.

"Spike," Buffy began "When you were...well you know... and I reached out to you to tell you that I loved you... and you said that," Buffy swallowed hoping to ease the pain of her dry throat "that I didn't...what did you mean by that?" There she said it. Now all she had to do was wait for his answer; perhaps an even worse predicament.

"Oh, Buffy" began Spike "you knew what I meant then and I have feeling you know now in your heart. That is something that I can't experience, that I can never be a part of. But you shared that feeling with someone else and perhaps...never let it go."

"What?" asked Buffy. "I shared that feeling with you...I..."

"No," Spike spoke quickly. He placed his hands gently on either side of Buffy's face. "All we shared was a bed. It wasn't love Buffy, it wasn't purely lust either. Well, maybe in the beginning. It grew to something so twisted that not even I or the darkest demon in hell could describe what it was." Spike drew closer to Buffy his eyes never leaving hers. "The entire time we were together there was always someone else in your heart. No matter how much I loved you...or how deeply you believed you were in love with me, there was always someone else."

The tears began to flow freely from Buffy's eyes. She didn't want to give Spike the satisfaction of being right. She knew somewhere inside her that she herself couldn't deny what he was saying but she hated him for it. Suddenly Buffy grabbed Spike's hands on either side of her face. She wanted to torture him, to make him sorry for being so...right.

She moved her hands up across his arms and then to his neck playfully skimming the bottom of his chin. Buffy leaned in closer, the warmth of her breath mingled with his. She brought her hands up into his hair and touched her lips to his. She began timidly but it quickly turned to hunger; that was just the way Spike liked it. Buffy knew that it was wrong but she wanted to make Spike pay.

Spike wasn't sure what to do. Why was Buffy kissing him? He wanted to pull away, and he should have pulled away, but he couldn't stop himself. The taste of Buffy's lips on his was something he could say he truly missed, even if it wasn't out of love.

_Damn her! She is the slayer for Christ sakes. I killed girls like her and now I find myself wanting her rather than eating her. She's not doing this for love. She's doing it to torture me. She knows how to manipulate my every move. Bloody hell, why do I know her so well? I would have been better off in ignorant bliss. I should never..._

Spike's train of thought was interrupted at Buffy's hushed words.

"Angel."

"Jesus, I'm not him what are you trying to do to..."

"No," Buffy interrupted. Buffy quickly fixed her gaze on Angels. His was already fixed on Spike. "I mean...Angel."

Spike turned and saw the fury in Angel's eyes as he looked between the woman he loved and the demon he wanted to kill.


	5. Chapter 5

Angel could feel the anger raging beneath the seemingly calm surface he presented. He curled his fists and clenched his jaw preparing for a fight. He could easily vamp out and attack Spike, in fact, that's what he longed to do. Instead, he calmly walked past the two of them and shut himself in his office. He needed to think about what just happened otherwise he would explode in rage and fury.

_I just walked in on the only woman I've ever loved and the demon...well let's just say were not exactly best friends. Why would she do this to me? She's at my office, my home, kissing Spike. I should have known. I had my hopes up when Dawn assumed she was coming to see me. She, in fact, was here for Spike. He was the last...vampire...she was with and probably the last person she was in love with. She's moved on from our relationship. _

At that moment Angel heard a knock on the door and Buffy stepped timidly into the room. She knew that Angel was upset and she didn't want to make matters worse. However, she had to explain herself. She longed to tell Angel the truth; that, as a matter of fact, she had come for him, not Spike.

"Angel I should explain," Buffy began slowly.

"You don't have to explain anything," mumbled Angel. His back was to Buffy as he stood 10 feet away from her. "I understand. You're in love with Spike. I accept it. I'm done playing the jealous ex-boyfriend."

"That's not it at all," cried Buffy moving in closer towards Angel.

"Really?" exclaimed Angel as he turned around to face Buffy "then was that, just a hello? Do you greet every vampire you see with your tongue in their mouth?"

"Once again, there was no tongue," Buffy thought back to the day she had greeted Angel exactly the same way. She remembered they had a conversation very similar to the one they are having now.

"Buffy," Angel began.

"Angel. I came here to see you," interrupted Buffy. "I could...feel you...the other day you were at my hotel. I felt you there and I tried to ignore it but I couldn't. I needed to see you again. But when I got here you were gone and Spike was..."

"Here?" Angel suggested, finishing the story.

"Well, yes," replied Buffy. "I thought he was dead Angel. He had died right in front of my eyes. I had that happen to me once before with someone I loved...it was so unfair that it happened again. But Spike...Spike knew..." Buffy couldn't finish what she was trying to say.

"Spike knew what?" Angel asked. He could feel the emotion rising up in his throat. It was full of sadness and anger. He wanted to take Buffy by the arms and shake all of this nonsense out of her. She was supposed to be his girl, his Buffy, for always.

Buffy was quiet. She still didn't want to admit she loved Angel. She couldn't admit it. First of all, that would be acknowledging what Spike had said as true. And second of all, she would have to face herself and divulge the inner secret of her heart. She can't move on..._because I'm forever in love...with Angel._

Buffy mustered herself together trying not to fall apart as she spoke. Her knees weakened but she stood up straight and even managed to walk in Angel's direction.

"Spike knew..." said Buffy through the tears streaming down her cheeks. "That I...loved only one person and that one person...will always have my heart. Angel...I love you." Buffy began to sob as her emotions poured out of her. "When you walked in I was kissing Spike." Angel clenched his jaw at the memory. "But I was only kissing him to torture him... to convince him and myself that I wasn't in love with you, because it hurts Angel. It hurts that I can't be with you...that I can't love you."

"Buffy," Angel choked, his own emotions beginning to pour out of his soul. "I will always love you. No matter what happens or what has happened. I never once needed to convince myself that I wasn't in love with you. I accepted it...and it hurts everyday. I don't see a sunset without thinking about you and the night we had together. That's the difference between you and me Buffy...I never wanted to convince myself that I wasn't in love with you. Now go, Buffy, please... just leave."

"But Angel," Buffy broke down.

Angel gazed at Buffy for a little while longer. He memorized the way she looked at that exact moment. Her hair long and beautiful framed the sides of her face. Little strands stuck to her cheeks as the tears streamed down her face. He wanted to wipe those tears away like he had time and time before but he couldn't bring himself to touch her. The hurt was too much. Her eyes were captivating and yet full of sorrow and her soft lips trembled as sobs ripped through her throat. Angel turned slowly away.

Buffy stood there for a minute. She played the scene over and over again in her head. His back towards her she yearned to walk up behind him and run her hands over his strong back and through his hair. She knew that it was impossible. Angel was to upset and so was she. She walked slowly out of the room. Spike was nowhere to be seen and Buffy didn't care she just wanted to leave.

As Buffy closed the door behind her Angel slammed his fist into the desk. He asked her to leave but he wasn't sure if he truly meant it. Angel walked out of his office and found Spike lurking in a corner outside of the door. Angel's fists and jaw clenched in anger again.

"I'm sorry mate," started Spike. "She really is a manipulative little Slayer, isn't she?"

"Don't call her that," Angel growled.

"What are you saying mate?" asked Spike "She hurt you and she used me. End of story."

Spike wasn't sure he meant what he was saying. He honestly didn't feel that way about Buffy but at this moment he wanted nothing more than to unleash his feelings, and he knew Angel could use a little unleashing as well.

"Face the facts Dead Boy that's all we are to her...dead. She's a rotten bitch anyway."

At that Angel punched Spike square in the jaw. Spike fell back and quickly got up. Retaliating against Angel Spike lunged forward knocking him to the ground. Angel rolled on top of Spike and began to punch the living daylights out of his face.

"Why do I always end up on the bottom love?" asked Spike between punches. Using his knees to lift Angel off of him, Spike kicked Angel straight across the room. "That's more like it."

Angel got up shaking off the pain in his head. He raced towards Spike and punched him once more in the face. Spike took the hit and hooked Angel with his left fist. Angel received the punch spinning around and then kicking Spike in the back of the head.

Angel had knocked Spike to the ground. He then lifted Spike back up again by the back of his collar and held him up in the air. Angel punched Spike twice in the face and then kicked him in the groin. Spike yelled out in pain and Angel dropped him to the ground. He walked out of the building leaving Spike curled on the floor in the fetal position. As Angel walked away he mumbled to himself.

"That's more like it."

Buffy went back to the hotel trying to contain herself until she reached her room. She ran through the lobby and quickly bolted up the stairs not wanting to slow down the process by taking the elevator. When she reached her room Dawn was not there. Buffy wasn't worried; instead, she was grateful, she wouldn't have wanted Dawn to see her like this anyway. Unannounced to Buffy, however, Dawn had seen Buffy distraught and running through the hotel lobby. Connor had spotted a young woman running past who seemed to be terribly upset. When Dawn took a closer look she realized it was her sister.

"That's Buffy," gasped Dawn. "Something must have happened."

"Maybe you should check on her," suggested Connor worried about what might have happened. He had heard some of the stories about his father and Buffy and the majority of them didn't end with happily ever after.

"I don't understand what could have happened," thought Dawn aloud to Connor. "They both seemed so excited to see one another. I'd go and check on Buffy but I have a feeling she wants to be left alone right now."

"Yeah, well, I want to know what happened," began Connor. "Why don't you come with me and we can ask Angel about it."

"I don't know Connor," replied Dawn "Angel probably doesn't want to be bothered either."

"Well, I have to stop by the office anyway to tell Angel whether or not I'm going patrolling tonight."

"Are you?" asked Dawn wondering where this was headed.

"Well, actually, I was thinking of asking this really pretty girl I met the other day if she wanted to go out tonight," replied Connor.

"Oh," said Dawn in dismay then she realized he was talking about her. "OH!"

Connor laughed as he saw Dawn brighten up and a huge smile spread across her face.

"I'd love too," replied Dawn. Overwhelmed by excitement Dawn started to run towards the elevator so she could go and get ready. She quickly realized she left Connor just standing there. Dawn turned around and rushed back in his direction. She gave Connor a huge hug and placed a quick but nice kiss on his cheek. Connor smiled widely and blushed. At this Dawn headed back towards the elevator doors, slowly this time, so that she could play with Connor's mind. Connor stared at the back of her awhile, opened mouthed, checking her out and fully aware that she was toying with him. Before she stepped on to the elevator Connor called out.

"I'll meet you here at 7:00."

Dawn smiled as the elevator doors closed and Connor left the hotel with a slight skip in his step.


End file.
